“Just Be Kind” and Other Violent Statements

I was walking down the road from where we live and saw it for the umpteenth time: the “Just Be Kind” sign somebody had placed by their mailbox. Perhaps you’ve seen the version I’m referring to. It seems to be the product of a movement of some sort, as I’ve seen numerous copies of it around town and online. It would seem that those who display such signs believe they’ve unlocked the secret to making the world a better place. From my point of view, though, seeing it again reminded me that I’ve long wanted to dig below the surface of this ostensibly inspirational bromide in order to point out its smug vapidity as well as the potential for it to perpetuate violence.

This "Just Be Kind" sign seems to be a thing

Just being kind does nothing to address structural racism. In other words, it doesn’t address inequities in educational opportunities and health outcomes resulting from what neighborhood you’re born into. It doesn’t address disparities in wealth accumulation based on where you’re able to buy your family home or find employment. It doesn’t address differences in policing and the justice system in general. At its best, just being kind is a pleasant maintenance of the status quo. Believing that the world as it is will be a perfectly just and peaceful place if everybody would just be kind starting right NOW perpetuates the uninformed belief that the zip code we’re born into or the color of our skin has no bearing on the length of our lives and our potential for success.

On the other hand, if being kind means working for diversity, equity, and inclusion as well as holding the door for the person behind you, then, by all means, just be kind. If being kind means working to dismantle structural racism in all its societal forms and supporting reparations for past violence as well as engaging your neighbor in congenial fashion, then, sure, just be kind. Sadly, though, I don’t think that’s what people mean when they encourage others to just be kind. And even if that’s what YOU mean when you say it, it is unskillful to communicate in ways that are so easily misunderstood.

Ah, but “just be kind” is not the only such saying on my short list. “I’m just keeping my eyes on my own mat” is one that’s often uttered by yoga practitioners who aspire to remain focused on their progress alone, without comparing their own practice to that of another. It’s good advice within the yoga studio and in our personal life as well, as far as it goes. The problem with it, however, is when people apply it to the world at large. Responding to the reality of an unjust world with “I’m just keeping my eyes on my own mat” sounds to my ears like you don’t intend to do anything to help foster justice in the world because the lack of it doesn’t seem to directly affect you. And, yes, I have witnessed this statement used in this way by yogis attempting to steer clear of any meaningful discussion of political realities.

My ears perk up, similarly, when I hear people say that they’re “just trying to be the change/peace they want to see in the world.” These are definitely wise words, whether attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., or whomever. But, again, if you adopt this as your philosophy in order to eschew taking action in and for the wider world, then you’re really just engaging in a form of spiritual bypassing in order to remain shielded from the harsh realities of the world. Absolutely, we must spend time “wrestling with our own demons.” Certainly, we must spend time cultivating that peaceful place within us from which our spiritual strength arises. But to make such inner work the entirety of our work, or to do it solely within our immediate social circle, is to selfishly “check out” of community life and abdicate responsibility for its well-being.

Perhaps you’re in agreement that these sayings might be used in self-serving or less than skillful ways, but you may still be wondering how they perpetuate violence. Indeed, the world is a very violent place, and such sayings might seem to be the least of our concerns. However, in large part, violence stems from rampant injustice. It is not merely an aggregation of myriad random injustices that might accrue whenever two strangers interact. No, the injustice in the world today is quite often structural and systemic, orchestrated and organized. This type of injustice will not be alleviated by simply being kind, keeping our eyes on our own mat, or forever working on perfecting ourselves in monkish fashion. We must be engaged with the world in ways that challenge us, take us out of our comfort zone, and, yes, perhaps even put ourselves at risk. In my understanding, this is what it really means to be the change we want to see in the world. 

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Copyright 2026 by Mark Robert Frank