Eclipses, Ice Cream, I Love You, Goodbye

Our family lost its matriarch this past April. Darlene was an incredibly accomplished professional woman—having traveled the world as part of a wife and husband ministerial team. She was retired by the time I got to know her, though, and most people in our circle simply referred to her as Mom or Granny.

Darlene holding one of our newest family members.

Having married into the clan somewhat late in life, and with my biological mother still alive, I never quite felt comfortable calling her Mom. Instead, I settled into calling her Darlene. Regardless of what I called her, though, as my birth mother slowly faded away into the haze of dementia, Darlene was there for me as the perfect mother-in-law.

But there were times when I felt like an imperfect son-in-law. You see, Darlene poured out more love than I was able to accept. She knew I loved plants and gardening, for instance, and she just kept them coming. Even after we got young cats that made keeping houseplants nearly impossible, they just kept coming! Even as home remodeling projects overtook the time I could spend in the garden, seeds and bulbs just kept on coming! But while I may not have been able to nurture every seed she ever gave me, I continue to be nurtured by the love that she gave me.

I know Darlene faced hardship, but in so many ways she lived a very blessed life—and I mean that about as literally as a Buddhist can mean it! Some of you will know that a couple of years ago Darlene was revived after a choking incident while dining in one of her favorite restaurants. Some of you may also know that the odds of survival after CPR is something in the range of 10-20%. Certainly, the odds for a woman of Darlene’s years and medical condition must be far less.

In fact, her survival was such a rare occurrence that Darlene herself wondered why she had been so blessed. What was still left for her to do on this earth? I don’t know whether she resolved that question with her creator, but I do know that, regardless of the pain she was in or what hardship she was facing, she absolutely lit up whenever family were in her presence. When I would ask her how she was doing, she’d say rather sternly: “I’m old.” But then her face would transition into a quizzical smile as if to say: “But what can I do about that?”

Another example of Darlene’s blessed life occurred during the eclipse we experienced here in the Midwest. Her daughter and two of her granddaughters were in from out of state to visit her and family and, of course, experience the eclipse. We came up with a great plan to be well within the path of totality in the park of a nearby town. As you know, it was amazing! And when we got back in town we went straight to where Darlene was, we hoped at the time, recovering from a health emergency at a local nursing facility. Upon our arrival we were utterly amazed to learn that the staff had taken Darlene and her husband, and the others in their care, out onto the grounds to see the eclipse for themselves! In retrospect, that was Darlene’s very last glimpse of the sun.

It was not long after that when we realized we needed to prepare for goodbye. I brought her some of the tulips that were blooming in our yard from bulbs she had given me. I called her Mom, and I told her I loved her for the first time. And it was then that I began to write the following poem for her. Almost immediately I began to hear it as a song—perhaps one that a gruff but sensitive old country blues artist might sing. I’ve actually begun setting it to music, so perhaps you’ll even hear it as such sometime soon! I’m sure it would make Darlene happy.

 

Eclipses, Ice Cream, I Love You, Goodbye

 

Growing old

Is a heavy load.

That’s what you told me.

That’s what I see.

 

Growing old

Is a hard road

Through the dark and cold

Before we’re finally free.

 

But along the way

There are sunny hours,

A favorite tune,

And a smiling face.

 

And along the way

There are gathered flowers,

A bright full moon,

And a warm embrace.

 

Your last glimpse of the sun was an eclipse.

Your last meal was a cup of ice cream.

We shared a smile and I love you and goodbye

In between here and that place in between.

In between here and that place in between. 

 

Who can know

What the day brings,

Or the mystery

That the night takes away?

 

Who can know

What this life means,

Or the richness

Spilling from our days?

 

All I know

Are your sunny hours,

Your bright ways,

And your smiling face.

 

All I know

Are your gathered flowers

Filling my days

With your warm embrace.

 

You lived as if every day were an eclipse.

You lived as if every meal were ice cream.

You shared your smile and I love you and goodbye

In between here and that place in between.

 

Let me live in the way that you lived.

And let me let go with a happy sigh.

And in between here and that place in between:

Eclipses, ice cream, I love you, goodbye.

Eclipses, ice cream, I love you, goodbye.

Copyright 2024 by Mark Robert Frank